#i think him being a violent stoner that drags other people to smoke too for the fate of the future is the funniest thing ever please

[altn0g]

Silver the Stoner

[necromancy-savant]

My opinions on Early Modern plays other than Shakespeare

I’m definitely going to keep this updated since I intend to read a lot more of these. I’m putting them in the order I read them, except that the Ben Jonson plays are going to be listed separately, in the order I read them, for now at least, because I’ve read a couple of those, because when I find something I like I might as well keep going with it. If you want to know more about a particular play, feel free to ask me. I don’t want these to get too long so I’ll refrain from putting in too much summary, but I love talking about plays so if you want a summary before you decide to read something, hit me up. I’m going to include very brief summaries of each play because I assume most people haven’t read these and would like to have some idea of what they’re about. 

Doctor Faustus – Christopher Marlowe

Summary: Wanting greater things in life, Faustus summons a demon to serve him for 24 years, after which time he will go to Hell as part of a contract signed in blood. 

This play is a weird combination of bleak and silly that somehow works. On the one hand, Faustus just wants to feel like something he does will do him some good, but the devils he sides with are even worse than Christianity is in terms of the freedom he wants and they don’t give him any answers. On the other hand it’s really funny. Some of the things the demons and Lucifer say are hilarious, Faustus literally uses his powers to “haunt” the Pope and hit him in the face and give a guy literal horns over some petty argument. He does all kinds of stupid shit and hangs out with frat boys, but he eventually regrets all of it and get dragged to Hell still lacking any purpose in life. It’s also different in that it doesn’t follow the typical 5 act structure.

The Revenger’s Tragedy – Probably Thomas Middleton 

Summary: The old Duke killed Vindice’s fiancee, Gloriana, before the events of the play, and he seeks revenge for that while everyone else in the Duke’s family is 100% out to get each other.

I really love this play. It’s sort of like a cross between Richard III, King Lear, Measure for Measure, and Titus Andronicus, except it’s more violent than Titus Andronicus. Like, this is mire what I thought Titus Andronicus would be. There’s one really fantastic scene where a guy makes out with a poisoned skull and then they stab him and kick him while he watches his bastard son hook up with his wife and it’s just so good. The language strikes me as crude compared to Shakespeare and I don’t mean that in a bad way; actually there’s something I rather like about it. Everyone is out to get each other, except they’re all terrible at it except for the protagonist, Vindice, and his brother. Those guys get what they’re after and then some, and they almost get away with it too if they weren’t so goddamned pleased with themselves. Talk about letting your guard down at the wrong moment.

The Duchess of Malfi – John Webster

Summary: The Duchess has two brothers, Ferdinand who is her twin, and the Cardinal. She’s a widow and they forbid her from getting remarried but she does anyway to a lower class guy named Antonio and has a couple of kids with him in secret, and her brothers really don’t like that.

It takes a little while to pick up, but once it does it’s a wild ride. You’ve got some crazy shit going on here and most of it is Ferdinand: he loses his shit over every little thing and is constantly just screaming bloody gore for no reason, he fakes killing his sister’s children, gives her a motherfucking severed hand (and mind you the stage direction does not say where this hand comes from, it’s just a severed hand he happens to have on him), hires a bunch of crazy people from the asylum to yell random bullshit at her, and by the end of the play he’s running around digging up skeleton’s legs because he thinks he’s a fucking werewolf. Everyone in this play is so extra. The Duchess herself could stand against Constance in terms of being extra. Also, her servant Cariola is like the nicest person in the whole play and everyone is so mean to her, like when Ferdinand finds out about the Duchess and Antonio (they get married in secret behind her brothers’ back) the first thing Antonio does, he comes in and points a gun right in Cariola’s face and says “it was YOU” and then later they’re talking about faking going on a pilgrimage so she can see Antonio and Cariola’s like “don’t you think it’s sacrilegious to fake going on a pilgrimage” and the Duchess is like “shut up Cariola nobody cares what you think is sacrilegious” only she definitely should have listened to Cariola. Cariola deserves better.

The Roaring Girl – Dekker and Middleton

Summary: Moll Cutpurse is a woman who dresses in men’s clothes, spends her time chilling in taverns with sketchy people, and doesn’t give a single fuck. A young man, Sebastian, is in love with someone his father doesn’t approve of, so he tells his father he’s in love with Moll to make his actual girlfriend look good by comparison, and enlists Moll to help him get his father’s permission so they can marry. 

The jokes in this play are really silly, the plot is a little confusing, but even so I like it. Mostly I like Moll Cutpurse. She is a badass and yet also somehow surprisingly upstanding for someone named Cutpurse. I kind of thought she would be some sort of queer, and there’s really nothing in the play to suggest that, but there’s also nothing in the play that says she isn’t. She stands up for everyone with the use of her sword. She pulls her sword on fuckboys all the time, and she keeps people from getting arrested and from getting pickpocketed, and so basically she’s like a vigilante who isn’t concerned with the law at all, only with what’s right. She says she is not a cutpurse or a thief at all but doesn’t give a fuck what anyone thinks of her but just wants to be independent. She threatens this one guy Laxton saying he’s one of those guys who hits on women and then goes around calling them whores whether they have sex with him or not; he uses women and then punishes them for either doing what he wants or denying him sex. Also this play has some ridiculous archaic slang but it has Moll translate for you. And there’s a whole scene where they’re just chilling and smoking a few bowls and I have so many ideas for how you could do like a stoner version of it, you wouldn’t have to change any words or anything, just in terms of staging and blocking. It’s really all I could think of that whole scene. I may have read it wrong but I think I saw a line where it says that nobody wants to smoke with Laxton because he cheefs the bowl. Typical Laxton. 

‘Tis a Pity She’s a Whore – John Ford

Summary: Giovanni is in love with his sister, Annabella, and their father is currently trying to marry her off to one of a few other men. Giovanni and Annabella start hooking up and chaos ensues as they try to cover it up at the same time as a few different subplots involving revenge and murder go on. 

I don’t think this is a bad play by any means, but it mostly reminds me of The Revenger’s Tragedy and a little bit of The Duchess of Malfi, except that I like both of those much better. Like, it was a quick, entertaining read and I was never bored, but I can’t say it’s one of my favorites. There is incest, and that adds a new level of fucked up I suppose, but the novelty/shock of that wore off after like half a scene. The last scene was pretty great, but the rest doesn’t live up to that. Having Giovanni walk into the banquet with Annabella’s literal heart is a nice touch but it’s nothing compared to that poisoned skull. As a side note, Bergetto reminds me of Bartholomew Cokes, and really all this leads me to my final point. The book I read it from calls it derivative but not in a bad way, and that is a good way to describe it. That’s not necessarily a bad thing and I don't wholly dislike that it reminds me of a bunch of other things I like, but it didn't really give me anything new so on the whole I don’t find it too memorable.

The Spanish Tragedy – Thomas Kyd

Summary: A war between Spain and Portugal has just ended, and everyone’s ready to make peace, except that Balthasar, the prince of Portugal who has been captured and brought to Spain, falls in love with Bel-imperia who is in love with Horatio. He and Lorenzo kill Horatio, prompting his father, Hieronimo, to seek revenge.

Now this one was really good. It takes a solid two acts to pick up, but when it does, it’s worth it. You’ve got ghosts, personified Revenge, and descriptions of Hell which is basically Hades. It’s kind of a play about how just when everything seems peaceful and good after a conflict, there’s still a billion loose ends and everyone secretly still hates each other.  This was written in the 1580s and predates Shakespeare or anything else I’ve read, and you can tell it had a big impact. It’s got the play within a play thing from Hamlet, but way better. I loved that whole scene so much. Lorenzo reminds me a little bit of Iago, Horatio and Bel-imperia remind me a little bit of the secret meetings and honor concerns from ‘Tis a Pity (but don’t worry, they’re not related), there’s some lines that really remind me of Richard III and Anne but they’re played straight and honest unlike Richard’s use of the same kind of language. I really wonder how you would stage Hieronimo biting out his own tongue though. Also, there’s a lot of Latin which is always a good thing, and a lot of rhyming which is a little annoying but I feel like it rhymes less and less as it gets to the end, but I may have imagined that.

Volpone - Ben Jonson

Summary: Volpone is really rich, has no heir, and is pretending to be sick and dying so people will bring him presents in hopes of being made his heir. His servant, Mosca, keeps telling people throughout the play that they are the heir to get more stuff out of them and tries to get everything for himself until that backfires. 

Absolutely hilarious. I honestly wasn’t sure what to expect going in but I was really impressed. It has kind of a fucked up sense of humor that really does it for me. Jonson’s sense of humor actually reminds me of Spongebob. I love how Volpone can’t resist sneaking out of the house at every possible moment to go troll people he’s already trolled, like he has to go and see the outcome of his trolling. And it’s so funny how Mosca promises four separate people they can be the heir, then has to kick them out at the end of the play and he’s like to Voltore: “damn I thought you’d be out the door first you’re smarter than this. You know I would give you everything but it says it’s all for me, so, you know…plus you already have a high paying job, and you’re damn good at it too you really killed it out there I’ll hit you up if I ever need a lawyer now have a nice life” and then everyone just fucking books it back to the courthouse to go tell on each other. Also when Lady Would-be comes over and Volpone keeps trying to get her to shut up and she’s like “actually I have this long ass book on me right now let me read you some” and I just picture him signaling wildly to Mosca to kick her out of the house. Actually Mosca’s entire job is basically getting people in and out of the house as fast as possible so Volpone doesn’t have to talk to them, and make sure they keep coming back with more stuff. Also, Volpone’s first line is basically “good morning world, and my gold that inhabits it!” He’s such a piece shit I love him in spite of myself. The only thing I didn’t care for was the subplot.

 Bartholomew Fair - Ben Jonson

Summary: Bartholomew Fair was a fair that was held every year in August. A bunch of people go to the fair, including Bartholomew Cokes who is 19, really stupid, has supervision from his servant Wasp but runs away and gets lost, and is supposed to get married to a young woman who really doesn’t want to marry him because he’s such an idiot. Meanwhile this guy Overdo who is a judge and gets people sent to him from the fair every year because so much sketchy shit goes down, disguises himself to go to the fair and see for himself what goes on there. 

I got a real kick out of this one too. It’s very different from Volpone but still has that sense of humor I enjoy so much and the kinds of sketchy characters I like reading about. It was a little confusing keeping track of such a large cast of characters, but god if they don’t have the best names. Just reading the Dramatis Personae I was like “this was a good choice I’m already having a good time.” I literally waited the whole play for Wasp to demand to some vendor that he speak to their manager after the fit he threw waiting five seconds for Win to get him that marriage license in Act 1, but it never happened. Anyway I would go to this fair; they have alcohol, tobacco and food. I imagine it’s somewhat like the little festival they have in my hometown every year except with alcohol and prostitution. Although nearly everyone has a pretty bad day there, except for Quarlous and I guess Purecraft. I thought it was really funny how they wanted to make the puppet show, which is in part a version of Hero and Leander, like a modern edgy version so Cupid’s the bartender and he puts something in her drink. I see so much bullshit like that today. I’m starting to see how some of these comedies are a bit like Measure for Measure but this one is actually funny. I love reading these plays about sketchy people, because they remind me of the many sketchy people I have known. 

The Alchemist - Ben Jonson

Summary: There’s a plague in London and this guy Lovewit leaves his house indefinitely, leaving his servant, Face, in charge. Face has an extended sleepover with Subtle, a con artist who pretends to know alchemy who he finds on the street, and Doll, a bawd, and together the three of them draw in customers as the house becomes a brothel and a place where Face can lure people in for that and for Subtle’s alchemy scam.

Reminds me of Volpone in that you have these two guys who just cheat everyone out of their money and keep piling on the cheating and lying until it all blows up in their faces. Something about the way characters in both plays flatter people and lead them on so enthusiastically is just hilarious to me. Like Bartholomew Fair, the ending is kind of abrupt and not what I was expecting. Also I really don’t think Lovewit has the whole picture because he’s willing to forgive his house becoming a brothel and them hiding all kinds of stuff they cheated out of people in the basement in exchange for a 19 year old wife. Like, he shows up to his house after having been gone a few months and left Face in charge, and is like “what the fuck has been going on here?” and Face is like “never mind that, I got you a 19 year old wife” and suddenly it doesn’t matter what else he’s done. The plot is a little hard to follow because they tell so many lies to so many different characters, and a lot of the play is Face just making stuff up on the spot to keep himself out of trouble so it can be easy to get lost in all of that.

Epicene - Ben Jonson

Summary: There’s this guy Dauphine who’s uncle, Morose, who is fanatical about needing everything to be quiet at all times, is trying to cut him out of his will. Dauphine devises a plan to trick him into making him his heir in writing. He gets Epicene, a teenage boy, to go undercover as a woman and marry him under the pretense of being silent and then start talking as soon as they’re married so Morose will do anything to get a divorce. 

There are some really funny lines, and it did teach me the word “wind-fucker,” but on the whole it’s not my favorite. The characters are all upper class and don’t really do much of anything. Compared to other city comedies, it’s less Saints Row and more Importance of Being Earnest. They spend the play getting ready for a party, going to the party, playing pranks, and not much else. Like I said, it’s funny but very silly and I don’t really get it in some respects, maybe because I don’t live there. And I really don’t know what to make of the ending. I can’t decide if I think it’s sexist or not, but as a man I’m not the best person to decide that. It does seem vaguely sexist that the best woman is a man. Plus I don’t think any of the male characters have ever spoken to a woman. There is the possibility that I’m supposed to be laughing at how stupid they are, but even then the women really aren’t given an opportunity to weigh in on any of the things men say about them. They do say that they should accept favors from men, because if men are going to be stupid enough to do things for them hoping for sex that’s on them, and they do refrain from slut-shaming Epicene in a show of solidarity at the end. On the other hand, they’re quick to turn on each other in competition for Dauphine, a man they all desire, and their independence, at least Mrs. Otter’s, serves to humiliate her husband in front of other men. But the play says explicitly at the end that he, Daw, and La Foole are punished for being the type of guys who spread rumors about women who reject them, which is similar to something Moll Cutpurse accuses Laxton of in The Roaring Girl. So there’s a lot going on and it’s hard to say where it stands.